These Words from My Dad Which Helped Us when I became a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience soon became "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct words "You aren't in a good spot. You must get support. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on mums and about PND, less is said about the challenges dads face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a larger reluctance to open up between men, who still internalise damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a display of failure to request help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to take a pause - spending a couple of days overseas, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he had to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the language of feelings and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "terrible actions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are swamped, tell a family member, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their stories, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are through this experience."