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When the story surfaced that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it brought addiction back into the national conversation. However, families grappling with a child’s substance use are concerned the dialogue will focus on an extremely uncommon act of violence rather than the far more common dangers of the disease.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the news. They were merely familiar with the Reiners by their work, yet they identify deeply: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to painkillers and later illicit drugs, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehab and jail. After a long and painful struggle, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just tragic,” states Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones didn’t survive the illness of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through personal struggle, a relative’s dependency, housing instability from addiction, or an drug-related emergency leading to hospitalization or death, according to recent data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or tens of millions of people, had a substance use disorder in 2024.

“This can happen to anyone, no matter how rich you are, no matter how poor you are, no matter how influential you are,” emphasized Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the tragic events will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg noted.

These “are really crucial discussions to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have continually increased,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “idea of someone being really a threat and the potential for harming others.”

She also cautioned against making assumptions about the reported involvement of the son or his state at the time, noting it is unclear whether substance use or mental health issues were involved recently.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their biased views of addiction and this condition, and create a narrative to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may increase aggression, a violent crime like a double homicide is highly unusual.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything remotely close to violent behavior. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is significantly more likely to harm themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not of their sons, but for them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to kill him. That’s my greatest terror. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get that call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, 365 days a year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the hospital saying a son was unconscious; from prison, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

The Loneliness of the Struggle

Parents often battle loneliness—wondering if the addiction stemmed from some mistake they made; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and worrying about judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be content one day and miserable the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are able to achieve recovery.

“Just as you can get over any other type of disease, you can overcome this condition, too. You can recover and be successful,” said Grover. “If you try and you fail, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a college degree, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they cared for him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s supporting someone addicted to drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll reach out and take it.”